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Author Topic: Apocalyptic Humor  (Read 11317 times)

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AGelbert

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Rob not the poor, because he is poor: neither oppress the afflicted in the gate:
For the Lord will plead their cause, and spoil the soul of those that spoiled them. Pr. 22:22-23

AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #31 on: April 01, 2015, 10:44:45 pm »
Climate change is not a joke, but this video is.  ;D

Watch and share this video if you think climate change denial is ridiculous!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgrHMVdF0lM&feature=player_embedded
https://nextgenclimate.org/hotseat/
Rob not the poor, because he is poor: neither oppress the afflicted in the gate:
For the Lord will plead their cause, and spoil the soul of those that spoiled them. Pr. 22:22-23

AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #32 on: April 08, 2015, 02:43:45 pm »
Rob not the poor, because he is poor: neither oppress the afflicted in the gate:
For the Lord will plead their cause, and spoil the soul of those that spoiled them. Pr. 22:22-23

AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #33 on: April 20, 2015, 05:01:18 pm »
Must-See: John Oliver and Martin Sheen Make Hilarious Doomsday Video   ;D
Cole Mellino
 
Last night on Last Week Tonight, John Oliver finds quite a gem. Apparently, in the early days of CNN, Ted Turner produced a doomsday video that CNN anchors recently reported is to be played in the event that the world is coming to an end. And just what exactly has CNN decided should air in the final moments of humanity’s time on Earth? A band very unenthusiastically playing a slow dirge.

Well, John Oliver has decided that is just an awful way for humanity to go out. So he’s enlisted Martin Sheen to make a much better version of a doomsday video, which encapsulates all of humanity’s successes and failures (and there are some epic failures). Sheen lists some of our major achievements, such as our total domination of every other species on the planet, becoming the first species to walk on two legs and then figuring out a way not to (thanks, segways!) and inventing a cereal that was nothing but cookies. Sheen reminds us not to be sad over what we’re losing, but instead think fondly over what we had.

Wait until you see what Sheen gives us as the final image humanity will ever see:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UC_gXD5OE88&feature=player_embedded

http://ecowatch.com/2015/04/20/john-oliver-martin-sheen-doomsday-video/
Rob not the poor, because he is poor: neither oppress the afflicted in the gate:
For the Lord will plead their cause, and spoil the soul of those that spoiled them. Pr. 22:22-23

AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #34 on: April 20, 2015, 07:04:49 pm »
 
Tomorrow is yesterday.
Rob not the poor, because he is poor: neither oppress the afflicted in the gate:
For the Lord will plead their cause, and spoil the soul of those that spoiled them. Pr. 22:22-23

AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #35 on: April 25, 2015, 10:14:19 pm »

Star Date 344,757.093821 (late naked ape tool makers date 2066): Gardener Commander Zarkploof Report 747:

The last of the naked ape tool makers ceased biochemical activity in the most recent revolution of the blue planet around it's sun. It fell in a nuclear waste pool while being chased at night by a pack of large canines. The canines left at dawn. The ape swam, then crawled, out but lapsed into unconsciousness from treading water for so long. It was then bitten by several large rodents and bled to death while trying to fend them off. The rodents, the canines and a nearby ant colony disposed of the remains. All of those creatures subsequently died of radionuclide poisoning. The radionuclide pollution is extensive. We have sent probes to aid existing species in maintaining some vitality. We are doing this in order to provide the biochemical substrate for reseeding efforts so we won't have to start from microscopic autotrophs in rebuilding the biological energy absorption pyramid.

It is estimated that 245,000 local years will be required for the nuclear contaminants (Mostly the one the naked apes called Plutonium but there are several others) to cease degrading the biosphere with harmful mutations.

Our DNA bank has 157% of the species populating the planetary biosphere prior to the naked ape polluting millennium that destroyed the naked apes. NOTE: We will file a detailed report on the extinct species such as the giant reptiles and mammals in regard to the reseeding timeline.

For the next 100,000 years we will seed various fungi to absorb radionuclides for the purpose of collecting them and depositing them in the local sun. Perhaps, because of this activity, the time for active reseeding can take place somewhat earlier than 245,000 years. But we must bear in mind what happened on the Zeta 382, which required an increase in wait time, instead of a decrease. As was the case at Zeta 382, there are chemicals the naked killer apes produced in their ignorance that, though not radioactive, are deleterious to life and even more difficult to eliminate than the radioactive elements. The glyphosate poison is one of many that are ubiquitous in this thoroughly degraded biosphere.  So caution is advised.

As to the naked killer ape tool makers, we recommend the DNA of this species be modified to prevent self awareness. It seems that self awareness, though it does help them develop primitive cause and effect horizon logic, does not aid them in avoiding the manufacture of tools to wantonly exploit the biosphere they require for life. These beings always seem to fail through the "fool with a tool" axiom of degenerate self aware species development postulated by the philosopher Glado the Putzenko in his "Beings that Don't Understand Being" treatise. They cannot seem to grasp the idea that defecating where one obtains nourishment is suicidal when the product of defecation is an industrial pollutant.

This planet is a very depressing and sad place to visit at the moment. Speaking for myself and all of the crew, I request home leave equivalent to 20 local planet years on our home planets.

One of the factors creating stress in our crew is the fact that the naked killer ape tool makers looked so much like us.




Respecfully,

Gardener Commander Zarkploof

   

 
« Last Edit: January 14, 2019, 05:13:24 pm by AGelbert »
Rob not the poor, because he is poor: neither oppress the afflicted in the gate:
For the Lord will plead their cause, and spoil the soul of those that spoiled them. Pr. 22:22-23

AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #36 on: May 16, 2015, 02:37:14 pm »
Rob not the poor, because he is poor: neither oppress the afflicted in the gate:
For the Lord will plead their cause, and spoil the soul of those that spoiled them. Pr. 22:22-23

AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #37 on: May 19, 2015, 11:42:19 pm »

When Do People Think That the World Will End? 

According to a poll done in 20 countries in 2012, roughly 15% of people believe the world will end during their lifetimes. The poll included 16,262 people from various countries such as China, Russia, Japan, the United States, Spain, Australia, Great Britain, Indonesia and Germany.

One in seven people taking part in the poll expressed a belief that the end of the world is near. The results did vary from country to country however. For example, 22% of poll participants from the United States said that the world will end during their lifetimes, whereas only 6% of poll participants from France felt the same way. The poll also showed higher rates of concern about the world ending among participants under the age of 35.

More about end of the world predictions:

•About 10% of people thought the world would end on December 21, 2012, the end date of the Mayan calendar.

•According to a poll published in Newsweek on November 1, 1999, 45% of Christians believe that the world will end at Armageddon, in a battle between Jesus and the antichrist.

•There have been possibly 100 or more wrong predictions about the date for the end of the world since the 1st century A.D.

http://www.wisegeek.com/when-do-people-think-that-the-world-will-end.htm
Rob not the poor, because he is poor: neither oppress the afflicted in the gate:
For the Lord will plead their cause, and spoil the soul of those that spoiled them. Pr. 22:22-23

AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #38 on: May 20, 2015, 09:28:36 pm »
 
 

Rob not the poor, because he is poor: neither oppress the afflicted in the gate:
For the Lord will plead their cause, and spoil the soul of those that spoiled them. Pr. 22:22-23

AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #39 on: June 11, 2015, 03:38:28 pm »
Modern Rattitudes

Watch New York’s sewer rats discuss climate change


By Amelia Urry  on 4 Jun 2015     

You know how we talk about climate change as an existential threat to human civilization? There are a handful of thought-experimenters who suggest that, when the Antropocene does in all the “Anthro,” other species will inevitably move up into the ecological niches we vacate. The best candidate for the job? Rats.

Welcome to the hypothetical Ratocene.   ;D The Adaptors have the story about what a future rat-world might look like in their podcast this week — but they also got the on-the-ground scoop from rats on the ground. They’re surprisingly talkative: Watch the video above to find out the hopes and fears of some of New York City’s finest rodent residents. (Hint: They’re about as conflicted as we are.)

And if you haven’t heard The Adaptors yet — check yourself. The whip-smart tag-team of Flora Lichtman and Katherine Wells are taking on the very wacky world of climate adaptation in brand new ways, with a podcast that explores everything from human-made tornadoes and earth-bound stars to whether we should consider genetically modifying humans to be more climate-friendly (cat eyes, anyone?). Not to mention they’ve got the low-down on yak science, and a series of climate confessions I think we can all secretly identify with.

Confession time: We have a little bit of a crush (ok, we have quite a few) and we’re looking forward to seeing what they get up to next. If you agree, may we suggest you subscribe to the podcast?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddVoyJJIhIk&feature=player_embedded

Agelbert NOTE: Egocentric people will not enjoy the last part of the rattitude discussion. Narcissists will find it "irrelevant" and "boring". 

http://grist.org/living/watch-new-yorks-sewer-rats-discuss-climate-change/
Rob not the poor, because he is poor: neither oppress the afflicted in the gate:
For the Lord will plead their cause, and spoil the soul of those that spoiled them. Pr. 22:22-23

AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #40 on: June 13, 2015, 01:17:14 am »
Quote
The False Neutrality of the Market: Neoliberal Fascism's War Machine

Agelbert NOTE: Empathy Deficit Disorder in action.  >:(
Rob not the poor, because he is poor: neither oppress the afflicted in the gate:
For the Lord will plead their cause, and spoil the soul of those that spoiled them. Pr. 22:22-23

AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #41 on: June 29, 2015, 08:41:36 pm »
"Lake" Shasta

Agelbert Apocalyptic humor: I propose the name of Lake Shasta be changed to Lake Shafta.   


Here’s the only explainer on California drought you need


By Abrahm Lustgarten, Lauren Kirchner, and Amanda Zamora  on 27 Jun 2015


SNIPPET:

Why do I keep hearing about the California drought, if it’s the Colorado River that we’re “killing”?  ???


Pretty much every state west of the Rockies has been facing a water shortage of one kind or another in recent years.  California’s is a severe, but relatively short-term, drought. But the Colorado River basin — which provides critical water supplies for seven states including California — is the victim of a slower-burning catastrophe entering its 16th year. Wyoming, Colorado, New Mexico, Utah, Nevada, Arizona, and California all share water from the Colorado River, a hugely important water resource that sustains 40 million people in those states, supports 15 percent of the nation’s food supply, and fills two of largest water reserves in the country.
Climate Denier Reaction =

Full article for those who can handle the truth. *



* Empathy Deficit Disordered people and other human parasites need not bother.  


http://grist.org/climate-energy/heres-the-only-explainer-on-california-drought-you-need/
Rob not the poor, because he is poor: neither oppress the afflicted in the gate:
For the Lord will plead their cause, and spoil the soul of those that spoiled them. Pr. 22:22-23

AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #42 on: July 05, 2015, 06:10:44 pm »
VW worker killed by robot in Germany

David Jolley
Automotive News Europe
 July 2, 2015 11:39 CET

FRANKFURT -- Volkswagen Group said a contractor was crushed to death by a robot at its German components factory in Kassel, north of Frankfurt.

The 21-year-old worker was part of a two-man team setting up the robot on Monday when it grabbed him and crushed him against a metal plate, a company spokesman told Automotive News Europe. The team was assembling the robot for a new electric motor production line. The man was resuscitated at the scene but died later at a hospital in Kassel, the spokesman said.

Some media reported that initial investigations indicated that human error was to blame, but the spokesman declined to comment on this, saying only that an investigation had begun into the accident.

The robot normally operates within a confined area at the plant, picking up parts and moving them around. It can carry out various tasks in the assembly process, the spokesman said.

The contractor had been standing within the production area with the robot when the accident happened, while his colleague was standing in the outer area, local newspaper Hessische Niedersaechsische Allgemeine reported.

German prosecutors are now considering whether to bring charges following the accident, German news agency DPA said.

According to VW’s website, the Kassel site is the automaker’s main transmission plant and supplies the VW group with about 4 million manual and automatic transmissions a year, in addition to producing body, platform and exhaust parts. It also reconditions old engines and transmissions.

You can reach David Jolley at djolley@crain.com.

http://europe.autonews.com/article/20150702/ANE/150709968/vw-worker-killed-by-robot-in-germany

Rob not the poor, because he is poor: neither oppress the afflicted in the gate:
For the Lord will plead their cause, and spoil the soul of those that spoiled them. Pr. 22:22-23

AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #43 on: July 31, 2015, 03:03:30 pm »
Quote
Brian Hamner · GIS Analyst at Concho Resources
Eating one cup of cow dung mixed with lemon juice every day can prevent AIDs.

Jack Daniel
What if you don't like the taste of lemon juice?

;D

http://www.msn.com/en-us/health/wellness/18-bizarre-home-remedies-that-really-work/ar-AAbt4uL?jid=50078&rid=5&FORM=MDU15X&OCID=MDU15X#page=7
Rob not the poor, because he is poor: neither oppress the afflicted in the gate:
For the Lord will plead their cause, and spoil the soul of those that spoiled them. Pr. 22:22-23

AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #44 on: July 31, 2015, 03:32:21 pm »
'If climate change is real how do you explain frozen pizzas?' – video         


http://www.theguardian.com/environment/video/2015/jul/03/climate-change-denier-news-frozen-pizza-senator-satirical-video
Rob not the poor, because he is poor: neither oppress the afflicted in the gate:
For the Lord will plead their cause, and spoil the soul of those that spoiled them. Pr. 22:22-23

 

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