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Author Topic: Apocalyptic Humor  (Read 3011 times)

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AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #75 on: December 28, 2015, 10:48:06 pm »
This behemoth is NOT my idea of a GREEN container ship!
::) :P
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AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #76 on: December 29, 2015, 03:38:07 pm »
Apocalyptic Humor 

The following infomap is accurate. Though some issues of main interest like the Volkswagen scandal, Black Lives Matter, threatened wolves and legalizing weed certainly have merit, because this map shows a population with an inability to prioritize the importance of competing issues, it qualifies more as gallows humor than apocalyptic humor.

Some, when pondering this sad evidence of the success of fascist media to make suckers of the populace through scare mongering propaganda and mindless distractions, in the face of the overwhelming evidence of our degraded democracy and climate, may not even find this very funny.

But I have to admit that I got a kick out of Colorado's main interest. ;D




Full article:

http://blog.estately.com/2015/12/what-each-state-googled-more-than-any-other-state-in-2015/
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AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #77 on: December 31, 2015, 03:37:01 pm »
Here's a fictional tale about our very possible future that you might enjoy. Feel free to pass it on with, or without, attribution.


Star Date 344,757.093821 (late naked ape tool makers date 2066): Gardener Commander Zarkploof Report 747:


The last of the naked ape tool makers ceased biochemical activity in the most recent revolution of the blue planet around it's sun. It fell in a nuclear waste pool while being chased at night by a pack of large canines. The canines left at dawn. The ape swam, then crawled, out but lapsed into unconsciousness from treading water for so long. It was then bitten by several large rodents and bled to death while trying to fend them off. The rodents, the canines and a nearby ant colony disposed of the remains. All of those creatures subsequently died of radionuclide poisoning. The radionuclide pollution is extensive. We have sent probes to aid existing species in maintaining some vitality. We are doing this in order to provide the biochemical substrate for reseeding efforts so we won't have to start from microscopic autotrophs in rebuilding the biological energy absorption pyramid.

It is estimated that 245,000 local years will be required for the nuclear contaminants (Mostly the one the naked apes called Plutonium but there are several others) to cease degrading the biosphere with harmful mutations.

Our DNA bank has 157% of the species populating the planetary biosphere prior to the naked ape polluting millennium that destroyed the naked apes. NOTE: We will file a detailed report on the extinct species such as the giant reptiles and mammals in regard to the reseeding timeline.

For the next 100,000 years we will seed various fungi to absorb radionuclides for the purpose of collecting them and depositing them in the local sun. Perhaps, because of this activity, the time for active reseeding can take place somewhat earlier than 245,000 years. But we must bear in mind what happened on the Zeta 382, which required an increase in wait time, instead of a decrease. As was the case at Zeta 382, there are chemicals the naked killer apes produced in their ignorance that, though not radioactive, are deleterious to life and even more difficult to eliminate than the radioactive elements. The glyphosate poison is one of many that are ubiquitous in this thoroughly degraded biosphere.  So caution is advised.

As to the naked killer ape tool makers, we recommend the DNA of this species be modified to prevent self awareness. It seems that self awareness, though it does help them develop primitive cause and effect horizon logic, does not aid them in avoiding the manufacture of tools to wantonly exploit the biosphere they require for life. These beings always seem to fail through the "fool with a tool" axiom of degenerate self aware species development postulated by the philosopher Glado the Putzenko in his "Beings that Don't Understand Being" treatise. They cannot seem to grasp the idea that defecating where one obtains nourishment is suicidal when the product of defecation is an industrial pollutant.

This planet is a very depressing and sad place to visit at the moment. Speaking for myself and all of the crew, I request home leave equivalent to 20 local planet years on our home planets.

One of the factors creating stress in our crew is the fact that the naked killer ape tool makers looked so much like us.




Respecfully,

Gardener Commander Zarkploof

 
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AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #78 on: January 09, 2016, 03:25:35 pm »
Fracking is SAFE!  It's safe I tell you!  Accidents are very rare!

RE

http://theantimedia.org/doctors-sound-alarm-as-state-of-emergency-declared-over-ca-gas-leak-leave-now/

Doctors Sound Alarm as State of Emergency Declared over CA Gas Leak: Leave Now

Claire Bernish
January 7, 2016
 
(ANTIMEDIA) Los Angeles, CA — California Governor Jerry Brown finally declared a state of emergency on Wednesday, concerning the ongoing, currently unstoppable methane gas leak spewing from Aliso Canyon that has created a nightmare for residents of Porter Ranch.

“I will tell you, this goes well beyond Porter Ranch. We’ve had complaints from as far as Chatsworth, Northridge, and Granada Hills,” emphasized Los Angeles City Councilman Mitchell Englander during a Porter Ranch town hall meeting on December 28. “Apparently this plume of toxic chemicals and whatever it might be, doesn’t know zip codes […] This is the equivalent of the BP oil spill on land, in a populated community.”

Aliso Canyon sits less than two and a half miles from Porter Ranch and less than 30 miles from the city of Los Angeles — the second most populous city in the United States — whose outlying total statistical area includes nearly 18 million residents, as of 2013.

Brown has been widely criticized for lack of decisive action on the leak, which is erupting from its underground storage area with all the force “of a volcano.” Under Wednesday’s declaration, “all state agencies will utilize state personnel, equipment, and facilities to ensure a continuous and thorough state response to this incident.”

Porter Ranch residents have been evacuating the area for some time, though SoCalGas’ rather maladroit handling of the relocation procedure has been a nightmare — and the cause for a mounting number of lawsuits, including one from the L.A. city attorney’s office.

Los Angeles City Attorney Mike Feuer filed a civil lawsuit last month concerning the massive methane leak’s impact on area residents’ health and damage to the environment — which alleged failure by SoCalGas to prevent the leak and further exacerbation of “the effects of that failure by allowing acute odor and health problems faced by the community to persist for more than a month, to say nothing about the indefinite time it will persist into the future.”

RE,
One of my relatives that swindled and defrauded me out of my inheritance lives with his wife (who helped in the swindle) 2.59 miles east-south-east (down hill and normally DOWNWIND) from ground zero of this gas leak in a Granada Hills McMansion. Him and his wife are great defenders of military intervention in the Middle East (see: wars for oil in general and the fossil fuel hegemony in particular).

There is a God. 

« Last Edit: February 25, 2016, 10:15:35 pm by AGelbert »
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AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #79 on: January 30, 2016, 11:20:46 pm »
Just what we need to, uh, SPEED OUR DEMISE!  :P 

Major Offshore Gas Discovery For Kosmos Energy 



Published at 06:25PM - 27/01/16

A major offshore gas discovery has been made by Kosmos Energy that looks likely to contain reserves greater than 20 trillion cubic feet.

Texas based
Kosmos Energy made the discovery, with the offshore drillship Atwood Achiever, whilst exploring offshore Senegal.

Kosmos announced the news Wednesday 27th saying: “We are pleased to have delivered another major discovery with our first exploration well offshore Senegal.”

Offshore Gas Discovery

The Guembeul-1 offshore gas discovery is part of Kosmos Energy’s wider exploration of an area located due north of Senegalese capital Dakar. The firm is officially calling the the offshore discovery ‘significant’.

Kosmos stated that they now believe the wider Tortue reservoir formation, which includes Guembeul-1, holds reserves in the region of 11 trillion cubic feet (Tcf).

They have also been more bullish with their estimations of gas reserves across the entire complex, upping them form 15 Tcf to 17 Tcf, although further exploration wells over wider area are yet to be drilled.

The remaining wells are likely to tip the gross reserves north of 20 trillion cubic feet of natural gas bringing it further towards ENI’s giant Zohr gas discovery that came in at 30 trillion cubic feet last year.

Commenting on the news Kosmos Energy CEO, Andrew G. Inglis, said: “Guembeul-1 confirms the presence of a world class gas resource that extends into both Senegal and Mauritania.”

“With our successful appraisal program and support of both governments, the initial gas development is gaining momentum,”

“The Guembeul-1 well continues our 100% success rate in the outboard Cretaceous petroleum system offshore Senegal and Mauritania, which we believe is a strategically important new oil and gas province and we are focused on unlocking the basin’s full potential.”

Guembeul-1 was drilled by the Atwood Achiever drillship in a water depth of 8,858 feet (2,700m) and a total well depth of 17,208 feet (5,245m), with the well encountering a net gas pay of 331 feet (101m).

Kosmos Energy Senegal

The Guembeul-1 is part of a joint venture between Kosmos Energy 60%; Timis Corporation Limited 30%; and Petrosen 10%.

Under the terms of the Senegal offshore licence, Kosmos are entitled to explore the area offshore St Louis, with a Senegal Government production sharing agreement coming in to force when production starts.

Atwood Achiever

The Atwood Achiever deepwater drillship, delivered in 2014 by Daewoo Shipbuilding & Marine Engineering (DSME) in Korea, is on lease from Atwood Oceanics at a day rate of US$495,500.

The drillship has been designed to operate in a maximum water depth of 12,000 ft (3,657 m) and the maximum drilling depth of 40,000 ft (12,192 m).

http://www.offshorepost.com/major-offshore-gas-discovery-for-kosmos-energy/

       
The REALLY inconvenient truth...
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AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #80 on: February 09, 2016, 08:56:48 pm »
What may doom human society to death by profit over planet is, uh, see video below....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yR0lWICH3rY&feature=player_embedded
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AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #81 on: February 13, 2016, 05:23:07 pm »
Hat Tip to Tamara for point this video out to me.   

Great Canadian Migrations: The Tar Sands Pipeline
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AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #82 on: February 25, 2016, 10:09:02 pm »
Solstad Offshore Says Consolidation Needed to Restore Profits    
February 24, 2016 by Reuters

OSLO, Feb 24 (Reuters) – Offshore supply vessel owners must form larger companies in order to restore profitability to an industry battered by plunging demand from oil firms, the head of Norway’s Solstad Offshore said on Wednesday.

With crude prices down more than 70 percent since mid-2014, energy firms have sharply cut their investments and thus rent less equipment from suppliers.

So far about 100 vessels have been removed from Solstad’s main North Sea market, but with only limited effect on rates for its anchor handling ships and no effect for its platform supply ships, where rates remains below crew costs.

“Something has to happen on a structural level because even though boats are taken out of operations and laid up, the owner side is so fragmented that the path to reaching sustainable rate levels is far too long,” Chief Executive Officer Lars Peder Solstad told Reuters.

According to Solstad there are currently some 70 to 80 vessels operating in the spot market in the North Sea and up to 30 different owners.

“I think the industry will look different a couple of years from now.

There will be bigger units, either at the company level or within segments. Maybe both. We believe this is coming and we want to be a part of this,” he added. 

So far, Solstad has mothballed 13 vessels and initiated cost saving initiatives of up to 500 million Norwegian crowns ($57.35 million) on an annualised basis to prepare for weak markets lasting for a longer period.

It has also started discussions with banks and creditors to come up with a plan for how to adjust to a new activity level that none of the players in the industry had prepared for.


“It will be weak into 2018. There may be rays of lights, the oil price might rise and things can happen, but we must be careful about being too optimistic. We have to be realistic and take into account that it might even get worse,”  Solstad said.

The firm said however that the subsea segment was still a bright spot, despite pressure on rates, and that it had ongoing discussions with clients regarding new contracts and contract extensions.

Quote
Late on Tuesday, Solstad reported an operation loss of 1.1 billion Norwegian crowns for the fourth quarter, hit by vessel impairments of 1.35 billion, compared to a profit of 273 million in the same quarter last year.

Solstad also said the board would propose that no dividend was paid for 2015. ($1 = 8.7178 Norwegian crowns) (Reporting by Henrik Stolen, editing by Terje Solsvik)

(c) Copyright Thomson Reuters 2016.


Agelbert NOTE:
  What part of The Party is OVER do these biosphere math challenged wonders of profit over planet worship NOT UNDERSTAND?

 

 

 


The only intelligent recourse for the support vessel business model is to switch to offshore wind turbine support AND run their ships on biofuels. Otherwise, they are TOAST.
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AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #83 on: February 26, 2016, 01:56:44 pm »
Final Deepwater Horizon defendant found not guilty 

Nicolas Torres  February 26, 2016   

A former BP site manager was found not guilty on Thursday for a Clean Water Act violation charge tied to the 2010 Deepwater Horizon spill.

According to the Associated Press, former rig supervisor Robert Kaluza was facing a single count of violating the Clean Water Act that carried a penalty of up to a year in prison.

Kaluza, 65, was accused of bungling a critical pressure test that may have indicated the Macando well was not securely plugged with mud and cement, the AP said.

“We’re just pleased and thankful that the jury carefully considered the evidence and came to a just verdict,” Kaluza’s lawyers told Bloomberg.

Kaluza was the final defendant facing charges related to the April 2010 Deepwater Horizon accident that killed 11 people and caused the largest oil spill in U.S. history.

In December, federal prosecutors filed a motion to drop involuntary manslaughter charges against Kaluza and Donald Vidrine, a fellow site manager, for their roles in the accident.

The two men were facing 11 counts of seaman’s manslaughter, but in accordance with a 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruling earlier this year, the charges were dismissed because their duties did not qualify them for a maritime crime.

Vidrine pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor violation of the Clean Water Act in December and will be sentenced in April.

He is facing up to 10 months of probation and financial penalties.

http://petroglobalnews.com/2016/02/final-deepwater-horizon-defendant-found-not-guilty/

 



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AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #84 on: February 26, 2016, 02:32:58 pm »
Exxon adds 1 billion barrels of proved reserves in 2015

 


Staff Writers  February 25, 2016   
 
ExxonMobil said Monday that it added proved oil and gas reserves of 1 billion barrels of oil equivalent in 2015.

The company said the reserve adds replaced 67 percent of production, including a 219 percent replacement ratio for crude oil and other liquids.

ExxonMobil’s proved reserves totaled 24.8 billion barrels of oil equivalent at the end of 2015, with liquids representing 59 percent of proved reserves, up from 54 percent in 2014.

Liquid additions during 2015 totaled 1.9 billion barrels, Exxon said.

Natural gas proved reserves were reduced by 834 million barrels of oil equivalent with most of those reductions occurring in the United States and “reflecting the change in natural gas prices.”

“The company expects this gas to be developed and booked as proved reserves in the future,” Exxon said.

During 2015, ExxonMobil added 1.4 billion barrels of oil equivalent to its resource base through by-the-bit exploration discoveries, undeveloped resource additions and strategic acquisitions.

ExxonMobil’s by-the-bit exploration success in 2015 included a significant oil discovery offshore Guyana and additional discoveries in Iraq, Australia, Romania and Nigeria.

Strategic unconventional resource additions were also made in the Permian Basin in West Texas, Canada and Argentina.

The company also added reserves in Abu Dhabi, Canada, Kazakhstan and Angola last year.

Overall, Exxon’s resource base totaled more than 91 billion barrels of oil equivalent at the end of 2015, taking into account field revisions, production and asset sales.

The resource base includes proved reserves, plus other discovered resources that are expected to be ultimately recovered.

Exxon said its reserves life at current production rates is 16 years.

Quote
“Our proved reserves represent a diverse portfolio that positions us to create shareholder value    as we supply long-term energy demand growth We will continue to apply our disciplined, paced investing approach as we develop our industry-leading resource base,” Exxon CEO and chairman Rex W. Tillerson      said.

http://petroglobalnews.com/2016/02/exxon-adds-1-billion-barrels-proved-reserves-2015/



Agelbert OBSERVATION: What we have here is prima facie evidence that the profit over planet "business model" of Exxon destroyed their ability to avoid suicidal behavior. Biosphere math, the only math that really matters for humans, is absent from Exxon.

IOW, they have lost it.    The future, if we have one, will not be kind to the Rex W. Tillersons of this world.



Dr. Richard A. Houghton, acting president of the WOODS HOLE RESEARCH CENTER says There Is No Alternative to a Low Carbon Economy
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AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #85 on: February 29, 2016, 03:00:41 pm »
In response to the drop in the price of oil, the fossil fuelers like MKing calmly assure us that, after the "shake out" of  fossil fuel Industry Bankruptcies from the "insufficiently predatory capitalist" (see: "weak" and "undeserving of survival as an apex predator") and Mergers by the "successfully ruthless"( see: "deserving" of "survival as an apex predator") , everything is going to be "all better for all of us".

I say, SEE BELOW: 

The Fossil fuel Industry elephant TERMITE in the Biosphere room...  :P

Quote

In the late 1990’s, as they designed their own offshore oil rigs to account for sea level rise, Mobil oil paid for advertisements telling the American people that climate science was uncertain and that the U.S. should not join other nations in a global climate agreement.2

Neva Rockefeller Goodwin, the great grand-daughter of ExxonMobil’s founder, donated her shares this year so that the proceeds could be used to support nonprofit work to fight global warming.3

After 15 years of failed shareholder engagement and meetings between the Rockefeller family and ExxonMobil to encourage diversification, she declared that “I lost faith in ExxonMobil’s future value.”4

Let’s be clear – If the Rockefellers cannot convince ExxonMobil to change, Vermont will not succeed in effecting change through shareholder engagement.


Text of Gov. Peter Shumlin’s speech to the Vermont Pension Investment Committee
« Last Edit: February 29, 2016, 04:08:26 pm by AGelbert »
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AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #86 on: March 13, 2016, 07:14:19 pm »

WATCH: Ovation of the Seas Float Out

February 19, 2016 by Mike Schuler


Agelbert NOTE: It looks a bit top heavy to me. I once had a flight student who was a bridge crew member on a cruise ship. He gave me a tour of the bridge and controls. He explained to me that they don't just steer with the rudder. They have vanes under the water line that work just like ailerons in an aircraft. That is, they keep it from listing so much that the unstable center of gravity will cause it to fall sideways and sink. But that ship didn't half the number of floors this one has.

And then there are those pesky "rogue" waves that global warming is goosing in size and frequency that will make it rather difficult for the vanes trying to keep a ship from flopping over on its side...   

Enjoy your cruise, folks!   

http://gcaptain.com/watch-ovation-of-the-seas-float-out/


Here's one that even BIGGER (and probably MORE top heavy too!) than that one. It's LARGEST CRUISE SHIP EVER BUILT!

Ship Photos of the Day – Largest Cruise Ship Ever Built Begins Sea Trials

March 10, 2016 by Mike Schuler



Agelbert NOTE:
The GIANT Cruise Ship "Harmony of the Seas" will need a LOT of harmony from the seas... 

https://gcaptain.com/photos-worlds-largest-cruise-ship-harmony-of-the-seas-departs-begins-sea-trials/
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AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #87 on: March 21, 2016, 03:20:29 pm »
Tomorrow is Yesterday...

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AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #88 on: March 31, 2016, 04:10:41 pm »
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AGelbert

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Re: Apocalyptic Humor
« Reply #89 on: May 21, 2016, 05:02:22 pm »

Falklands: A New Billion Oil Barrel Basin Say Rockhopper

Published at 05:02PM - 17/05/16
 
Rockhopper Exploration’s oil reserves in North Falkland have doubled to more than 300 million barrels in what experts believe to be a billion barrel basin.

The latest independent audit of the basin revealed that both the Sea Lion and Isobel Elaine oil fields hold half a billion barrels of recoverable oil reserves each.

“In our view, this new audit confirms the potential of the North Falklands to be a billion barrel basin”, the company Chief Executive Officer Simon Moody said.

Rockhopper Doubles Oil Reserve Estimates In Falklands

Within the basin, the company owns more than 50% of two licence areas estimated to hold a total of 747 million barrels of oil and gas reserves.

The independent audit was prepared by ERCE and follows a successful drilling programme which made new discoveries and concluded in February.

The resources are expected to be developed in two phases, with the first phase focusing on the resources in the northeast of the Sea Lion area. Phase 1 is expected to rely upon the operator, Premier Oil, and its plans to bring in an additional partner to share costs.

According to Premier, a 18-month FEED phase began in January, but the final investment decision for Sea Lion remains dependent upon “the evolution of project economics” and the outlook on oil prices.


A Billion Oil Barrel Basin

 “The Sea Lion Complex itself holds over half a billion barrels with almost 270 million barrels of low risk near field upside, which we believe could be assessed with as few as 3 or 4 more optimally targeted wells”, Moody added.

“In addition, the Isobel Elaine discovery has the potential to be a third regional development potentially containing over 500 million barrels”, he stated further.

According to the executive, “a billion barrels of recoverable oil is within reach within the basin thanks to the outstanding track record of our sub surface team”.

http://www.offshorepost.com/falklands-billion-oil-barrel-basin-say-rockhopper/

Offshore Drilling Rig Ocean Guardian Well Testing The North Falkland Sea Lion Oil Discovery

 

DOOM WEEK ON PLANET EARTH
It REALLY WAS a good ride, not for you and me, but for TPTB. So expect them to do WHATEVER to prolong their RIDE, against all scientific evidence that EXPLOITATION WITHOUT REFLECTION OF FELLOW EARTHLINGS OF ALL SPECIES (not just humans) AND THE BIOSPHERE FOR PROFIT OVER PLANET is deleterious (i.e. SUICIDAL/abysmally STUPID) to the Homo SAP species.
Leges         Sine    Moribus     Vanae   
Faith,
if it has not works, is dead, being alone.

 

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